Best decisions are made out of love

Lauren’s Journey to S.M.I.L.E.
(Solo Mom by Intention, Love, Energy)

As part of my life plan, I wanted to meet the right life partner, get married, and have children. On my life journey, I made some very important discoveries and choices.

In my 20s, I was focused on my education, my career, and dating. I earned four law degrees, started my own legal practice, rescued a dog, and had been in a few long-term relationships. But to the disappointment of all who subscribe to society’s rules and timelines, I had not met my future husband. Instead, I had actually saved myself from entering into a particular marriage disaster. While quite a devastating experience at the time, this turned out to be a positive transformative experience. It was the catalyst for my “spiritual awakening.”  

In my 30s, I began consciously creating the life that I wanted. I would no longer make decisions based on what I thought I “had” to do within a predetermined timeline — that fear-induced-so-you-better-hurry-up mindset. Best decisions are made out of love, not fear. I decided to make self-love a practice and priority.

For me, this meant making healthier food choices, having a regular meditation practice, choosing to laugh more, and making time for self-care support — naturopathy, acupuncture, chiropractic, physiotherapy, and therapeutic massage.

I got back into activities that brought more fun and joy into my life — dancing, acting, clown, comedy, travelling, going on retreats, studying, and practicing energy work.

With happiness now radiating from within, I began to feel complete and fulfilled. I was feeling ready to share this love of life and newly-discovered sense of happiness with my own child(ren). At 39, I was choosing motherhood. That was my intention as I embarked on that path.

To start the process of becoming a solo mom by choice, or as I say, Solo Mom by Intention, Love, and Energy (S.M.I.L.E.), I met with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) at a specialized medical clinic. My journey included intrauterine inseminations (IUI), in-vitro fertilization (IVF), fresh and frozen embryo transfers, home pregnancy tests, two week waits, cycle monitoring, and a miscarriage.

Along this path of peaks and valleys, I did acknowledge my wide range of emotions. I allowed myself to grieve the disappointments and loss. I practiced self-compassion. 

I reached out to other solo moms for support and focused on thoughts that offered me relief. I chose to find strength and inspiration in hearing other solo moms’ stories. I did appreciate that we live in a time where so much is possible. 

The analysis of the medical and scientific details was my doctor’s domain. I chose to tune out any discouraging statistics (maternal age-related and other factors) that are often necessarily repeated by doctors and unnecessarily so by well-intended lay people. Instead, I focused on my own unique journey to motherhood. I empowered myself by choosing thoughts that felt good to me. 

It’s important to acknowledge our thoughts. Our thoughts do affect how we feel. Our feelings do impact how we act. I knew that my part was to stay as soothed as possible and to feel good. So much easier said, but knowing how I wanted to feel was key. With the determination to join a relevant comprehensive feel-good program, I began my search.

There was no such program to be found. This led me to create a unique program for myself that I knew could also benefit others. I combined a wide range of practices that enhanced the overall well-being and alignment of my mind, body, and spirit. I made time and mustered the energy (in my already very busy full-time corporate working life) to implement self-care, self-compassion, and self-love practices.

Two weeks after the IUI procedure, the RE informed me that I was pregnant!  Several weeks later, an ultrasound revealed a double miracle! I was pregnant with twins! I was elated! But because I had endured a previous loss, and we were in the middle of a global pandemic, it remained a constant practice to stay calm in between and during my many medical appointments.

Fast forward to today, I am a SMILE to my beautiful, healthy twin daughters.